自我坦诚表白/self-confession

these few days are really... BORING!! She isnt around, thats bad already but without sports its really sucks more... i didnt intend to use thw word 'sucks' but it is the truth... i really prefer having classes everyday, at least, keep my mind out from thinking nonsense and dreamy..

so i thought alot during these days, mainly bout my relationship, or shall i say relationship between guys and girls.. firstly, i admit im a over-dependant on love-guy.. i have nothing to be ashamed of as my background wasnt too nice or normal compared to others.. at the age of 7 and 8, where all kids are so happily prepare for their new entry into the life of school with their parents around, prepare their breakfast, tidy them up, fetch them to school, kiss goodbye, hugs, fetch them back from school, share their stories in school, put them back on bed and prepare for another day.. do these sound normal to all of u? of course! u all have been thru these! but not me, so it does mean ALOT to me..

however, i dun like it now, even since i were back with my parents at the age of 9 onwards.. okok i havent explained.. when i was 7, i hav to come back to msia to start my primary as my parents and sister had to stay in China, dad's work purpose.. so i was with my grandparents.. not like i hate staying with my grandparents, but its the feeling u noe, when in class, recess, u hav brothers playing with u, so close, so buddy, but the last bell rang, everyone parted away from u, jumped into their parents' hugs, where i was alone looking at those scences, how do u feel? ur heart will be squeezed till u feel so sour! but meantime u wan to hold back the tears, coz i wan to be tough!

i have kept these feeling for 11 years until now, i decided to write it down.. now, when i finally found a girl who loves me, and i love her, i depend on her love alot.. dat is why love to me is so important, but funny, not my family love dat i endure more, but the girl i love now, the most certain future family (hopefully) i will have, is the love i most wanted to have and keep it forever.. these tag along well with my horoscope, Cancer. a person who always put love at first priority. why i say this? becoz i really wan to be honest to myself dat i really need pure clean love. and it is also owes myself an explanation..

i can give 101% effort into this relationship, dat is why sometimes i hope for at least a 50% return.. i noe i noe, love cannot ask for returns, but.. if someone always gives, but no return, will he be balance? i noe, this has alot of arguing points but i just want to say, to point out, becoz im a over-dependant on love-guy, i can give all out from myself into this relationship, meantime i also really hope for a more returns, becoz i want to feel more the love, more caring, more understanding returns.. however, im still growing, mentally to be exact... i made mistakes to point out my desires in a wrong way, i hope i'll be better from time to time, but i also hope the other side will do her part too..

this leads to question, why couples choose to break-up instead of solving problems.. ok, when you say we are not match la, not meant for each other, but why cant solve it together, coz the relationship has already started.. i experienced almost breaking-up, but lasted for 20mins i cant take it as i love her so much, the memories are just so unwipeable.. hahaha, i laughed at myself, how can i ever break-up.. i cant control things la anyway, but from wat i heard, when either side has no feeling for the other side, dat is cannot be saved anymore, ouch! really really sad.. wat can i say more?

okok, its really long... i feel better writing down.. but it just took up 20mins only.. boring, boring..

i miss her so so so much

bao bei..

i love you so so so much

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~